I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
