That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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