never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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