so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
