he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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