there's paper in my vomit.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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