we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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