You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
