Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
