I never want to see another naked old woman again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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