yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
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No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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