I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
