That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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