Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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