i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
