I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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