I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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