hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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