By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
