I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
