Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
