I just saw a hot homeless man
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
