she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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