I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
