evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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