I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
