Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
