i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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