Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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