did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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