my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
