the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
