hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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