What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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