U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
