You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
