I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
