life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
