he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
