I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Welp...herpes.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm too high and old for this...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
