1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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