Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
