Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
