____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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