you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
