perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
