well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
