Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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