yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You are a genius and a whore.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
