1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
