You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
