I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
