some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
