I'm really into asian looking animals
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
