i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
