oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's just like the Real World with babies
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
