Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
