i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
