can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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