gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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