ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
