is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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