I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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