a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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