worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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