There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
