we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
time to smoke my breakfast
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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