am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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