they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
