You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize