when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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