I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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