I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
