Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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