C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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